


To Somehow Escape the Burning Wait

by lotionbottle (liveinfury)



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Friends With Benefits, Jealousy, M/M, Washington Capitals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-14
Updated: 2015-01-14
Packaged: 2018-03-07 13:15:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3174666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liveinfury/pseuds/lotionbottle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seriously, he’d rather be losing the Stanley Cup in game seven than watch Tom bolt to the door and see some dude wearing skinny jeans and an ugly sweater reel him in for a kiss that lasts, oh about two minutes, not that Mike's counting or anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Somehow Escape the Burning Wait

**Author's Note:**

> Games and EPIX events are completely out of order for the sake of the plot (I did little research, sorry!)  
> This work is completely fictional, but based on real people.  
> Title is a lyric from Someone New by Hozier.

Mike clutches the pillow the flight attendant just handed him and notices the EPIX cameramen making their way over to Ward and Cimmera. He knows nothing good can come of that, and sure enough after a few minutes of bullshit the chirping begins.

“Willy got engaged. And Latts got engaged,” Ward chirps. Mike sneaks a look at Tom to see him smiling.

“Latts show us the ring!”

“Why do you think I’d get the ring?” Mike responded without hesitation. He’s offended, not because he thinks it means he’d be the “girl” in the relationship, but because out of the two of them he’s the one to actually get shit done. Tom barely remembers to eat let alone buy a fucking ring and remember to propose without it being cheesy or stupid.

But this is if they were even in a relationship. Which they are not. At all. Unless you call fuck buddies a relationship. (Mike doesn’t.)

“No, we weren’t even together over the break,” Tom says to just say something Mike bets because everyone on the plane, even the camera crew knows they spent Christmas with their families and together.

“Why do you think I’d get the ring buddy?” Mike asks again when the last time went unanswered. Everyone just laughs and the camera moves on down the rows.

“You good?” Tom asks leaning in towards Mike.

“Yeah, whatever. I don’t care, I’m just tired,” Mike answers. He shoves the pillow against the window of the plane and gets as comfortable as he can to avoid another one of Tom’s 'they’re just joking, why do you let it affect you so much?' talks.

**

The thing is, Mike’s in love with Tom. Has been for months and it’s hard for him to concentrate on hockey when all he wants to do these days is Tom. So, when the boys first started chirping them about how close they were and the sort, it bothered him. It was being rubbed in his face constantly that he didn’t have Tom, couldn’t let himself have Tom.

After the first few chirps about them being together almost ended in fist fights in the middle of the locker, Tom pulled him aside and told him to laugh it off from then on.

“Why do you them get to you? Is the idea really so disgusting?” Tom would ask, backing Mike into a supply closet.

“Of course not, Willy,” Mike would respond trying to create space.

“Good, because we fuck. And I would hope you weren’t disgusted by this,” Tom would murmur against his mouth as he shoved his hands into the front of Mike’s pants.

Mike had gotten countless cornered talks like that with Tom about the chirping and has recently learned to take his advice and just laugh it off.

The problem was, no matter how much Mike wanted to actually be with Tom and make it real and official, he knew he wasn’t ready. They were both so young and their careers were already hanging by threads as is. They needed to focus on hockey and staying here in D.C. as long as possible.

Even if Tom reciprocated the feelings Mike had, it wouldn’t do them any good if one of them were traded in a year or shipped down to Hershey. The AHL and NHL were worlds away no matter the actual distance. Mike worked his ass off to get to where he is and so has Tom, there was no way he was jeopardizing their careers by telling him his feelings; it was all so very high school.

To Mike, Tom is it for him. Tom is supposed to be the person he ends up with. Fifteen years from now when they retire with the Caps, they’ll move back to Toronto and do the whole white picket 2.5 kids thing. Why would Mike fuck that up by trying to make them something now? Literally everything and anything could go wrong if they tried to be together this early in their lives and careers.

Now all of that is if Tom even likes Mike back. Not likes as in wants his dick in his ass, because that is very apparent. But likes as in loves, really. Sometimes Tom flirts like no other and then there are times where he picks up at bars without a second glance at Mike.

There are times where Tom will curl up against Mike when they watch TV on their huge ass weird couch. He’ll shuffle up and align himself so that they touch everywhere from Tom’s head lying on Mike’s chest to their feet tangled at the other end of the couch. Mike never pushes him away no matter how intimate it feels because he thinks this is the closest thing he can have to what he wants.

Sometimes when he’s really lucky (usually the nights they win or Mike wins a fight) Tom will kiss his chest which usually always ends up with Mike dragging Tom back to his room.

Then there are also times where Tom goes out of his way to make it seem like they’re a couple to the team, as if he’s chirping himself.

“Hey Latts, I didn’t get a good luck kiss yet!” Tom would yell before they walked out onto the ice in the middle of the locker room. This would immediately prompt Mike to blush like crazy and half the team to laugh and make kissy noises.

When Mike would get in heated debates with the guys on the plane, on the bus, even during warmups, Tom would jump in, throw his arm around his shoulder and say “Ay, leave my boyfriend alone. He’s right, you’re wrong…let’s move on eh?” Then he’d chuckle at his own chirping and the boys would coo at his use of the word boyfriend.

As much as Mike would like to think that all of that meant Tom liked him, he’d be crazy to take it as real proof. Especially when Tom spent just as much time dedicated to picking up at bars when they went out. Girls, guys, anybody that would show an interest in Tom would be in his bed by the end of the night.

**

“Fucking a Latts,” Tom says after Mike shuts the door behind them. Tom shoves Mike against it and reaches around to lock it. “You were so fucking hot out there tonight, holy shit,” Tom whispers against Mike’s neck, muscled arms circling his waist.

“I was surprised you didn’t see my hard-on when you came into the box after me. You don’t know how badly I wanted to fuck you right there. In the fucking box, just bend you over the goddamn bench and fill you up. Go in deep and wreck you,” Tom says as he runs one hand in Mike’s hair, tugging softly, and the other under his shirt, rubbing over one of his nipples.

Mike groans at the teasing and pushes closer to Tom, causing their mouths to collide. The kiss is fierce and harsh, all teeth and tongue. After a while Mike pulls away, “You got a fucking dirty mouth Willy,” Mike says, eyes gleaming.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, but not dirty enough,” Mike says, shoving Tom down to his knees in front of him.

Later on in the night Tom comes in Mike, pulls out, and tosses the condom in the trash. Mike turns to him as he comes back into his bed and pulls him into a quick dirty kiss.

“All I get from this is I should fight more,” Mike whispers, pulling away and getting up to gather his clothes.

“Yes, definitely do that. But goals too, that gets me even more hot Latts, trust me,” Tom says lying down on his back.

“I’ll try buddy,” Mike says after finally finding his boxers in the corner of the room. He takes one last look at Tom’s naked body sprawled out and makes his way down the hall to his room, ignoring the familiar flash of disappointment in Tom’s eyes.

Sure they were fuck buddies, but it was more of a once in a while type of thing. On really amazing wins or really shitty losses one of them would initiate it and it would just barrel on from there. Things would get intense and heated, but no matter what there was no cuddling or sleeping over. If they were in Tom’s bed, after one last kiss, Mike would gather his clothes up and shuffle down the hall. If they were in Mike’s bed, Tom would always be a little more reluctant to leave. They still wouldn't cuddle, just sleep backs to each other with space in between, but by the time Mike woke up, Tom would always be gone.

Even though Mike knows fuck buddies with Tom is the stupidest thing he could ever do, he still can’t bring himself to stop. It’s not fair to either of them to keep doing this, and he knows pretty soon it’s going to break his heart.

**

They spend New Year’s Eve together and with their respective friends from back home. They had just seen their families over Christmas and it seemed more fitting to celebrate the New Year and Winter Classic with the same guys they used to play pond hockey with.

After a long day of practice and driving the guys around D.C., Mike was happy to come home and relax with his boys. They had been drinking for a bit now and it was nearing midnight. Mike excused himself from the living room and headed to the kitchen to find something to munch on, he was starving.

“Latts! Nice pad you got here bro,” Alex, one of Mike’s hometown friends, says as he trails after him into the kitchen.

“Thanks man, NHL salaries, eh?” Mike replies. He doesn’t have to be careful with his words around Alex. Alex used to play with him as a hobby, he never had the intention to go pro before, so Mike never had to make sure he didn’t offend him with is success.

“Yeah, and hey, thanks for letting us crash here and everything, it’s been really fun and Willy and his friends are pretty cool too,” Alex says.

Mike finds a bag of chips in the pantry and pops it open, spilling its contents into a bowl. “Yeah, he’s great, haven’t met his friends before but they seem chill,” Mike says as he stuffs a few chips into his mouth.

In the distance he can hear Tom yelling for him, but Mike figures if it’s important he’ll come find him. Mike’s way too invested in these chips right now and doesn’t really feel like having to share them with eight other people.

“Speaking of Willy… what’s going on there buddy?”

“What do you mean?” Mike asks, grabbing another beer from the fridge.

“Are you two... you know? Together?” Alex asks. Alex knows about Mike being gay, he had been one of the first people Mike had come out to and he had been amazingly supportive.

“Not really? I mean we hook up sometimes, it’s just kinda complicated,” Mike says, he’s tired of people constantly questioning their relationship, he had to dodge so many Tom related questions when he went back home over break to see his family. Since they decided to jointly visit both families, there were a lot of questioning and knowing looks all around.

“Complicated how?” Alex asked, eyebrows furrowing. Mike held out the chip bowl, offering it to Alex.

“Just complicated. I don’t know, I like him and everything, but we’re too young to be something serious,” Mike replies, he takes back the bowl when Alex shakes his head at it.

“That’s bullshit and you know it, do you not like him enough?” Alex questions.

“Of course I do, Alex. That’s not the problem, the problem is that if we do anything now, we’ll just end up fucking it up. It’s better to just wait until we’re more settled into our lives,” Mike tries to explain. If there is one person in his life he hopes would understand where he’s coming from it would be Alex. They had grown up together and there wasn’t a time he could remember prior to coming to D.C. without Alex.

“Right, but if you really like him that much…isn’t it worth it? Like that whole saying, better to have loved and lost then not at all?” Mike crosses his arms over his chest, why was Alex being so persistent in this? Since when had he become Tom’s wing man?

“No, that’s stupid. I’m not saying never to him, I’m just saying to wait. We’re going to wait,” Mike says, taking a swig of his beer.

“And this is a conversation you’ve had with him?” Alex asks, knowing full well the answer is no.

“No, but I’m sure he gets it. I mean, I’m not even sure it’s like this for him,” Mike answers.

“So talk to him, this seems important, Mikey. Asking him to wait for you is a big deal,” Alex persists. Mike is getting really tried of this conversation really fast. It’s also making him slightly nauseous and dizzy, although to be fair that might be because of the beer and empty stomach.

“No, it’s not really important, Alex. Tom and I are just having fun, it is what it is. I’m not asking him to do anything for me,” Mike huffs out.

“Fun, eh?” Alex responds, he moves around the counter to Mike’s side and reaches for a beer from the fridge too.

“Yeah, fun. If it was something important, something serious, I would have it on lock, you know that about me, Al. Come on, let’s go, it’s probably midnight by now,” Mike says, throwing his arm over Alex’s shoulder and dragging him out towards the living room with his beer in the other hand. Halfway out the doorway he realizes he forgot the chip bowl on the kitchen counter, but with a quick assessment Mike notices that he isn’t even hungry anymore.

**

New Year’s Day is perfect. The turnout to the game is amazing, seeing that many Caps fans in the stadium blow’s Mike’s mind. He can see a few 46’s in the crowd which is even more exciting. They end up winning just in time, thanks to Brouwsky.

Tom had been a little distant in the morning and kept to himself more than usual, but Mike’s sure that was because of pregame jitters. By the time they got their gear on in the locker room and hit the ice, everything was fine between them. Mike and Tom headed back to their apartment to hang out with their friends before they have to leave for the airport.

“Weird to see you out there man,” Jason says to Mike as they’re all lounging around watching highlights.

“Yeah, remember when he’d play even when the ice would be cracking?” Alex says.

“Shut up,” Mike says, he knows this is heading towards reminiscing about their childhood days and there are some things he does not want to revisit.

“Cracking? That’s not safe Latts,” Tom says from the other end of the couch, amusement written all over his face.

“Yeah, he would play whenever he got the chance, nothing would fucking stop the kid,” Brian shouts from the kitchen.

“Such an overachiever, our Mikey,” Alex says while knuckling his head.

“Oh man, remember the science project?” Jason asks, already laughing.

“Let’s not-“

“The legendary volcano you mean? How could anybody fucking forget?” Brain interrupts Mikes protest as he walks back into the living room with a fresh beer in hand.

“What happened?” Zack, one of Tom’s friends, asks.

“At the end of the year we had to pick a topic we learned about and do a whole presentation on it. Mikey picked volcanoes or some shit. He made a mini volcano it looked cool and everything, but when he went to make it erupt it didn’t do anything,” Alex says.

“Yeah and he thought he failed the thing so he started crying. Right there, in the middle of his presentation, in front of the whole fucking class,” Brian adds, causing everyone to laugh at Mike’s expense.

“How old were you?” Tom asks.

“Fourteen,” Mike mumbles, he knows he’s never going to hear the end of this.

“Fourteen? You cried in front of your class because you think you failed a project when you were _fourteen?”_ Tom shouts between bouts of laughter.

“Yeah, yeah, get it all out. I know, it’s pathetic. But in my defense, if I failed I would have gotten a C and I promised my parents A’s and B’s to keep playing hockey. I just didn't want to lose it,” Mike shrugs as the others ‘aw’ at him.

“That’s so cute Latts,” Tom says, throwing a pillow in his direction.

“Shut the fuck up,” Mike throws the pillow back with more force.

“What’d you get in the class?” Zack asks.

“He got a B, no one can deny a crying kid. Oh sorry, I mean teenager,” Alex answers for him.

“Hey, this is a good thing about you, bro. It just means you’re determined to get what you want,” Jason says when he notices Mike getting grumpy.

“Fine, whatever. Let’s hear about Willy then. Did he always have this ugly flow? Or is NHL only privy to it?” Mike asks, quirking his eyebrows up at Tom’s friends.

“It used to be a bowl cut actually, back in the day,” Zack answers as the rest crack up. Imagining that already brightens Mike’s mood.

Tom’s friends also share a story of how Tom peed himself when he got into a fight in high school. Mike’s night couldn’t get better after hearing that one.

It’s a great start to the New Year, Mike thinks. If only it stayed that way.

**

The smell of garlic permeates throughout the house as Mike walks in. He had just gone to Costco and only spent a total of $9.53 for shit that’s going to last them for weeks. Needless to say Mike was excited to share the news with Tom.

“Oh hey,” Tom says as Mike walks into the kitchen with the grocery bags.

“Dude, you won’t believe how cheap this shit is!” Mike says, taking everything out of the bags and placing it on the counter. “Yes, garlic chicken!” He shouts, noticing the smell was because Tom was cooking Mike’s favorite meal.

“Yeah, um… I have to ask you a favor. I was gonna ask earlier, but I totally forgot,” Tom says hesitantly.

“What’s up?” Mike asks.

“Could you maybe make yourself scarce tonight? I know it’s shitty of me to ask in the first place let alone last minute, but I have a date and he’s coming over for dinner tonight and I really like him, you know?” Tom says almost casually. As if he didn’t just rip the rug out from under Mike’s feet with his words.

No, Mike doesn’t fucking know. What is going on? Since when does Tom actually date, and cooking for his date? That shit is romantic, Tom wouldn’t do that unless it was serious and this is the first time Mike’s hearing of this date. Mike and Tom had just hooked up the other day, what was going on?

“Since when do you date?” Mike asks, voicing his thoughts.

“Since this hot guy asked me out a couple weeks ago,” Tom responds. He finishes up cutting tomatoes and adds them into a bowl already stacked with lettuce and other vegetables.

“Couple weeks? What the fuck man, why is the first I’m hearing of it? We just hooked up a few days ago,” Mike is clearly confused and enraged. No one fucking dates Tom without Mike knowing about it. They barely leave each other’s sides, how the hell did Tom meet someone.

“It’s just casual dating. We aren’t exclusive, yet, so I can still hook up with other people,” Tom manages to answer one of Mike’s questions. Mike focuses on the key word “yet.”

He was okay with Tom fucking other people because Mike knows it’s only for a release. Random one night stands don’t mean anything to Tom. But dating? That’s a first for Tom and Mike’s not sure how comfortable he is with this. Tom is his, no matter how they defined their relationship and the idea of Tom committing to someone else is not sitting well with Mike.

“Who is this guy?” Mike asks, curious. Anger and frustration evident clearly evident on his face.

“His name is Ben and he goes to Georgetown. He’s studying accounting right not and he’s super cool, Latts. You should meet him, you would really get along,” Tom puts the salad in the fridge after tossing it. “But not tonight, tonight needs to go perfectly,” he adds as an afterthought.

“Fine, I’ll just ask one of the guys if they wanna go out to eat,” Mike says begrudgingly, pulling out his phone. What’s one date going to do? Tom’s just being a little shit.

“Actually, if all goes well, I might need all night,” Tom says, winking at Mike. He has the fucking nerve to wink? Right now, really, when Mike feels like he’s going to hurl all over the fucking chicken?

“I’m being sexiled? No! Absolutely not, I’ll go out for a few hours, but then I’m back. I don’t give a fuck if you get laid or not, I live here,” Mike responds as he types out an invite to Schmidty for dinner at the Italian place a few streets over. This whole conversation is leaving a painful ache in his chest and stomach. And he isn’t stupid, he can recognize those feelings as jealousy and hurt.

“Ugh, fine. I’ll just take him to my room,” Tom says casually, as if he was telling Mike the sun was hot. Tom flips the chicken on the stove.

Mike hastily puts away the groceries, his excited news about the ketchup deal he secured long forgotten.

“As opposed to what? Fucking him out here?” Mike asks harshly. Tom flinches at his words.

“I mean yeah, we do, don’t we?” Tom replies, his eyes challenging Mike to say otherwise.

“That’s different. We live here…together!” Mike shouts. He has a feeling Tom knows exactly what he’s doing. He knows how to push Mike’s buttons and right now he’s fucking punching them.

Mike also has a feeling Tom’s doing all this just to get a reaction out of him, to see if he’ll get jealous. There’s no way he would be this flippant about dating someone else in front of him. If he wants Mike jealous, then mission fucking accomplished. But Mike won’t let Tom see that it’s getting to him.

Mike takes a moment and searches Tom’s face, looking for any hint of this being a joke or a prank. When he finds genuine sincerity he realizes he has to leave, he has to clear his head before he says the wrong things.

“You know what? That’s great Tom. You’re finally dating someone instead of just picking up. This is great! I’m happy for you, really. I hope you have a great time with Bob. I’ll try to stay out as late as possible, but I’ll be back tonight,” Mike probably said great ten times in that sentence, but he was going for sincerity. He makes his way towards his room, leaving Tom looking confused and sputtering.

“…it’s Ben, not Bob, asshole!” Tom shouts after him.

Mike checks his phone after he closes the door to his room, Schmidty had responded saying he was free. He heads over to his closet to get dressed.

This whole thing feels like he stepped into a twilight zone. It definitely has to be Tom trying to get Mike jealous. The slight possibility that it’s not has Mike feeling gutted. Absolutely broken.

**

Over the next week Mike notices Tom being less clingy. He jokes around with Mike less and the casual lingering touches are practically nonexistent.

When Tom sexiled him, Mike had to come back later that night to hear moaning coming from Tom’s room. Mike went straight to his own room and tried to fall asleep with the TV on full volume, an effort to drown out the ridiculous noises. The next morning he slept in and by the time he woke up asshole Ben and Tom were both gone. Mike later found out they had gone to breakfast when Tom brought back bacon and eggs for him.

Mike and Tom haven’t hooked up since that game with their simultaneous penalties. Tom has stopped the random cuddles and the lazy couple chirping. When the team still chirps them, Tom just laughs it off and doesn’t respond back. Sometimes he even argues with them or tells the team ‘it’s not like that, you guys know, come on’ – something he specifically told Mike not to say.

Mike is sprawled out on the couch after an exhausting home practice, idly watching reruns of The Bachelor as Tom strolls in the living room toweling off his hair. He’s bare chested, every contour of muscle apparent and glistening, his shorts are hung low on his hips. It takes Mike a few seconds to realize that Tom’s lips are moving.

“Sorry, what?” Mike asks, sitting up on the couch.

“I said take a picture, it’ll last longer, dumbass,” Tom says, plopping down on the couch beside him.

“Sorry, you're hair is getting more and more repulsive and sometimes I just forget how fucking ugly you are,” Mike responds lamely.

“Yeah sure, because that’s what you say when you’re fucking me,” Tom nudges Mike’s foot with his elbow. He’s got him there, sometimes on really special nights when Mike is really feeling Tom and doesn’t have a filter, he calls Tom beautiful. Not just once, but the whole damn night.

‘You look so beautiful right now.’

‘Holy shit, you’re beautiful.’

‘God, look at you, fucking beautiful.’

But Tom mentioning anything remotely close to Mike and him hooking up is new since the fucked up garlic chicken night. That’s what Mikes taken to calling it in his head.

“Shut the fuck up, asshole!” Mike shouts with no bite, throwing a pillow at Tom who catches it easily.

“Speaking of fucking, um, I think we should stop that…doing that… us fucking, it should stop,” Tom stutters out the sentence. Mike barely notices the pauses, he’s too busy trying not to look like he’s drowning. He’s not exactly sure he’s breathing, it’s kind of hard to focus with his heart beating so loudly.

In the back of his mind, Mike knows he shouldn’t be surprised. Tom is dating Ben, had been for a few weeks he thinks. Of course Mike and Tom have to stop hooking up, it makes sense. But that doesn’t mean Mike doesn’t feel like someone just punched him really hard in the stomach and ripped out his vocal cords.

“Yeah, of course, duh,” Mike manages to say after a few minutes, once he’s found his voice.

“Okay cool. Just, I mean, I have a boyfriend now, so we can’t really… you know?” Tom takes the pillow Mike threw and settles it under his head. The water from his shower still dripping from his hair and trailing slowly down his chest.

Boyfriend? Mike had no idea it was that serious. So they’re exclusive? Fuck, he needs to get a grip and rake in his emotions. He can’t keep giving Tom the satisfaction of knowing Mike cares so much. Tom can do whatever or whoever the fuck he wants, because Mike knows in the end, it’s supposed to be them. He’ll just be Tom’s best friend who is super supportive and cool until that day comes.

Unless Tom moves on and gets married before that.

Or if one of them get traded away.

Or if one of them gets traded away to an international league.

Or if one of them gets a career ending injury and starts hating the other one.

**

A couple days later Tom invites Ben over to meet Mike so they can all hang out together. Mike would rather be anywhere but there. But, he’s resigned himself as a supportive best friend so he’s got a put on the fakest smile and act totally cool.

Seriously, he’d rather be losing the Stanley Cup in game seven than watch Tom bolt to the door and see some dude wearing skinny jeans and an ugly sweater reel him in for a kiss that lasts, oh about two minutes. The guy, presumably Ben, has got slicked back dark hair and is way too thin to be any sort of athlete. Accounting written all over him.

“Ahem…” Mike clears his throat and they jump apart, as if Tom forgot Mike was even there.

“Shit sorry, come in Ben,” Tom says, leading Ben into the living room and closing the door behind him.

“Ben this is my teammate and roommate Tom. Tom this is my boyfriend Ben,” Tom says with such ease. Teammate and roommate? That’s Mike’s fucking introduction?

Mike blinks a few times and reigns it all in. “Hey man,” he says and holds out his fist for Ben to bump. Objectively speaking, Mike guesses Ben is good looking in a nerdy sort of way.

“Hey, nice place you guys got,” Ben replies after fist bumping back. He settles down on the couch in between Mike and Tom.

“Thanks, and hey, congrats on locking his ass down,” Mike says, nodding his head in Tom’s direction.

“What do you mean?” Ben asks.

“Well, Tom here never-“

“Nothing, he doesn’t mean anything,” Tom interrupts Mike, keeping him from disclosing Tom’s past lack of serious relationships.

“Tom, don’t you think your boyfriend should know about your past?” Mike can feel the bile churning in his stomach as he says the word boyfriend.

“I think it’s something he and I can discuss on our own time, stay out of it Mike,” Tom says harshly.

Ben looks taken back and lifts his hands in the air. “Hey, it’s all good. So… what’s in store for today?” Ben asks, clearly trying to defuse the tension. It doesn’t work because the closer he moves to Tom, the more Mike wants to rip his gelled hair out of his scalp.

Speaking of the fucking gel, “Why do you do that with your hair?” Mike asks before Tom can respond to Ben’s question.

“Uh, what? Slick it back?” Ben asks, hesitant and shifting even closer to Tom.

“Yeah, dude, it looks like you stuck your head in-“

“Latts, shut the fuck up man!” Tom shouts.

“I’m just saying,” Mike mutters, he refuses to feel bad about dissing Ben. He doesn’t give two shits about this guy.

“Sorry about him, anyway I was thinking we could just hang out here, play some video games, maybe ping pong. Do you want a beer?” Tom asks Ben, getting up.

“It’s okay. I get it, he’s just looking out for you, it’s cute, and yeah, thanks.” Ben responds, his hand reaching up to rub Tom’s forearm in a soothing manner.

Cute? Yeah no.

“Get me one too, eh?” Mike yells at Tom’s retreating back.

“Only got two hands, asshole,” Tom yells back. And what the hell? Three bottles is totally manageable. Mike gets up anyway and trails after him.

“Stop doing that,” Tom says to Mike as he enters the kitchen.

“Doing what?” Mike asks, faking confusion.

“Being an ass to him. Mike, he means a lot to me, okay? I need you two to get along,” Tom whispers furiously.

“I can’t not be an ass to him. I mean look at him Willy, why are you even with him? It can’t be _that_ serious,” Mike reaches around Tom and pulls out three bottles from the fridge and sets them on the counter.

“It is serious! Or at least it could be, I don’t know. He’s great Mike, really great, and I want you to see that. Everything with him is just so fucking easy. So easy, it’s crazy you know?” Tom says. They’re both facing each other in front of the fridge now.

“So what? You want easy?” Mike asks, trying to understand why Tom wants a relationship with someone who isn’t him.

“Yes…no. I don’t know, he makes me feel good about myself,” Tom says.

“I can make you feel good. I do make you feel good… right?” Mike asks cautiously. He doesn’t think the answer is no, but he and Tom haven’t been on the same page in weeks so, he wouldn’t be surprised if it was.

“Is that what this is about?” Tom shouts. His face morphing into a display of anger. “You don’t want me with him because you want me for yourself? You hate that I’m not a warm body for you when you get lonely, huh? Is that it Mikey?” He continues, moving closer to Mike. His face shifting from frustration to anger.

“Of course that’s not it, come on Tom, you know you mean more to me than that,” Mike mumbles. He can’t get himself to admit any of his thoughts out loud to Tom, this is the closest he has ever gotten to telling him about loving him but wanting to wait.

“I don’t know that. How would I know that when all you do is leave? The moment something becomes more, you retreat. I can’t wait around forever Mike. That’s not how life works, and it’s not fucking fair,” Tom shouts even louder. There is no way Ben isn’t listening to every word.

“I’m not asking you to wait, I never said that,” Mike says, his voice getting a bit louder too. He’s not sure how Tom found out about the waiting, has Mike always been transparent about it?

“No, not to me,” Tom says.

“What are you talking about?” Mike asks, confused.

“I heard you talking to Alex about us. I heard the whole fucking thing and it’s all a load of shit,” Tom shoves Mike.

“Okay, looking past the fact that you fucking eavesdropped on me and my best friend, we can’t do this. You know what I said was right. This won’t work, it can’t work. I mean for fucks sake Willy, you’re twenty,” Mike says. There’s a foot of space between them and Mike reaches out to rub Tom’s shoulder in an effort to calm him, but he flinches away as if Mike burned him.

“So I’m twenty. So what? That doesn’t mean anything, if this is it, if this is what you want, then why are you doing this to yourself?”

“It isn’t… it isn’t what I want, at least not now. That’s the point!” Mike yells. He’s lying, it is what he wants right not, but he knows it would never work and the thought of Tom no longer being in his life because he forgot an anniversary or some stupid shit leaves him feeling wrecked.

Tom flinches at Mike’s words and backs away from him. His stands up straight, but avoids eye contact. “Get out,” he says calmly.

“What?” Mike asks, taken aback.

“Get out of the fucking apartment. I don’t want to see your face!” Tom says louder.

Mike knows this isn’t over, but he can’t say or do anything that will change Tom’s mind right now. Especially not when his fucking boyfriend is in the room over. Mike gets his jacket from his room and leaves, calling Brouwer on his way out, seeing if he could crash at his place.

**

Troy lets Mike in, looking disappointed.

“He sexiled you again, Latts?” Troy asks, closing the door behind them. They walk towards the living room and Troy ushers Mike toward the couch. Great, Schmidty’s like gossip girl now. How else could have Troy heard about the first sexile incident? Mike decided to go to Troy’s place because it was the closest and he was the one guy who didn’t chirp him about his nonexistent relationship with Tom.

“Nah, we fought. He basically kicked me out,” Mike says, mustering up a sad chuckle. He plops down on the couch.

“What happened?” Troy asks.

“Willy invited his boyfriend over, I was an ass, he kicked me out,” Mike huffs out.

“Okay… but what really happened Mike?” Troy pushes, he knows it couldn’t be that simple and that Tom wouldn’t tell Mike to get lost over something like that. Not with their complicated relationship.

“I basically told him he shouldn’t be with his boyfriend and he accused me thinking that I only said that because it means I can’t have Tom as a fuck buddy anymore. I told him that’s not true and he said he knows because he overheard me talking to one of my buddies about how much I like him, but want to wait to be with him. Then we said some more shit, he got mad, told me to get out,” Mike grimaces throughout the story. Having to retrace the last hour has him feeling a bit dizzy.

“Ah, so he loves you, you love him. What am I missing here?” Troy asks, as if really is that simple.

“It’s more complicated than that. We’re just too young to do this, I know things are just gonna get fucked up and then I’ll lose him. Troy, I can’t fucking lose him,” Mike explains, trying to calm himself down. He feels like he’s said this countless times lately, to other people and himself.

“It’s not complicated Mike, you’re just making it seem that way. Sure, yeah, you guys could fuck things up and break up and then that’s it. But those same things could go wrong if you aren’t together too. Uncertain careers, other relationships, it could all change you two regardless of if you’re together or not.

It’s not fair of you to ask him to wait around until you’re ready to be with him. If you genuinely want to wait, then you have to let him go. He can be with whoever he wants,” Troy says patting Mike on the shoulder.

“I know it’s not fair. I’m not saying he can’t be with other people, it’s just hard to actually see it happen. And the thought that it could get serious and he would just forget about me. Forget that I’m here and I’m an option for him, it’s really fucking scary,” Mike says.

“This is starting to sound eerily familiar Latts. I’ll let you in on a NHL secret here, it might help you put things into perspective,” Troy says. Mike is interested now, he sits up a bit. “Now, this has been a rumor for a while and I can confirm that it’s true since I played with them,” Troy continues.

“Who? What’s the secret?” Mike asks, clearly impatient.

“Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews. A long time ago, back when they were rookies Kaner really liked Toews, like loved him and Jonny all but rejected him, claiming hockey was more important and that he didn’t have time for Kaner. After a while, Patrick moved on and now they’re both in serious relationships with other people and have been for years. But when the Caps play them and we hang out afterwards or during the off season when I visit them, I can tell the feelings are still there. It’s like they’ve gotten so used to denying it and pushing their love aside for hockey that they forget it’s still there and possible. It’s sad, really,” Troy says.

Kane and Toews was actually a thing? That was news to Mike, sure he’s heard the rumors of them as much he has of Crosby and Malkin or any other dynamic duos the media pairs up. Usually a romantic relationship is never the case. But if anyone really knew, Mike guesses it would be Troy. He was really close with the guys in Chicago before the trade.

“So what? You’re saying that’s gonna be me and Tom?” Mike questions.

“I’m saying that maybe Jonny and Patrick weren’t supposed to be together and are with the people they should be with. Or maybe they fucked up and made mistakes that cost them each other, who knows. What I do know is that if they had went for it, they would never be left asking what if. I know it’s scary, but if you seriously love Tom, then shouldn’t you do anything and everything you can to be with him?” Troy asks.

“Yeah, but what if it doesn’t work out, Troy? That’s what freaks me out the most, I don’t give a fuck if it messes with hockey, I just don’t want it to mess with what we already have,” Mike responds.

“Okay, well what’s the alternative? If you’re not with him, then he’ll find someone else, he’ll be with Ben and who knows maybe it gets even more serious and he’s never single again. Then what Mikey? What’re you going to do then?”

“I’d still be his best friend. Of course it’d hurt, but I’d still be there for him,” Mike answers easily, he’s been well aware of this alternative.

“Are you sure you can do that? You’re sitting on my couch and getting advice from me because you proved you _can’t_ do that. You can’t be his supportive best friend.”

Troy did have a point there. Mike thought he could be there for Tom, but seeing him with Ben triggered something in him and he knew he couldn’t just stand by and watch Tom be with someone else.

“Yeah… I guess. I don’t know…” Mike trails off. He’s going to have a lot of rethinking to do.

“I’ll get you some water, you can hang here as long as you need. Carmen took Kylie to a playdate so they’ll be back soon. You can stick around for dinner if you want,” Troy says, heading towards the kitchen.

 

**

The rest of the day Mike spends staring at the ceiling from Brouwsky’s couch and reevaluating his relationship with Tom. He knows now that it’s worth it. Risking everything to be with him now is definitely worth it and asking him to wait, or at least expecting him to, was wrong and unfair.

After dinner with the Brouwer’s Mike texts Tom, checking the water before deciding to dive in.

**I’m sorry**

**We need to talk.**

**Can I come back?**

Mike texts in quick successions without waiting for Tom’s reply. It takes about fifteen minutes for him to get a response.

**Yeah**

Mike gets up from the couch he had taken to lounging on after dinner.

“I’m gonna head home, thanks for everything Troy. Seriously,” Mike says walking over to where Troy’s playing with Kylie on the rug in front of the TV and claps him on the back.

“You sure? Did you think everything through?” He asks, looking up at Mike.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I just hope he listens,” Mike says.

Troy walks Mike over to the door, “I do too, buddy. Good luck,” he says as Mike slips on his shoes and grabs his jacket.

“Thanks.”

The drive back to his apartment passes by in a blur. Mike doesn’t remember any of it, but the next thing he knows he’s knocking on his apartment door even though he has his keys.

“Hey,” Mike says as Tom swings the door open. He moves aside immediately to let Mike in, but doesn’t respond.

“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. About what I said earlier, about how I was acting, about how I handled us, about everything. I’ve been thinking and I realize now that I went about this the wrong way. I don’t-“

“If all you are going to do is apologize-“

“Just let me say everything I have to say first okay? I have so much going on in my head right now,” Mike interrupts. He takes Tom’s hand and guides them to the couch. He realizes he’s been spending a lot of time having serious talks on couches and kitchens lately.

“That’s a first,” Tom murmurs, but puts his free hand up in surrender when Mike gives him a look.

“Okay, so I went to Troy’s and we talked and I realized that this is something I want. I lied earlier obviously, I do want you, and I want you now and always. Forever. But I just didn’t think it could work, with us being so young and hockey taking up so much of our lives. That’s where I was wrong though, if anyone can make it work it would be us. And if something happens and we aren’t together anymore, than at least we tried. I don’t want to be fifty and think about Tom Wilson, the kid I played with, the one with the wicked flow, killer punches, blue eyes. I want to be fifty and think about Tom Wilson, my best friend, hopefully my husband. I know what I’m saying is a lot and it’s asking a lot from you. But I hope you love me as much as I love you, because I do love you, Tom, and I want to be with you,” Mike says. Tom’s face softened throughout the speech and they were still holding hands so Mike’s taking it as a good sign.

“Mike, I just don’t get where you’re head’s at. You told Alex I wasn’t important, that we were just having fun. Then you told me today that you don’t want anything with me, and now you’re telling me you do and that you love me? I’m sorry, but I’m just having a hard time understanding you,” Tom says with a weak smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“I have a habit of lying about my feelings, clearly. But I’m serious right now, I love you and I’m not lying about that. I just told Alex that to shut him up, he wouldn’t stop talking about us and I just wanted to get drunk and eat chips! And I lied today because I didn’t think this could work. I was mad and acting irrational, and I’m sorry if I hurt you,” Mike responds, squeezing Tom’s hands.

“How long were you planning on expecting me to wait for you to be ready for us?” Tom whispers, looking down at their intertwined hands. If Mike didn’t know any better, he’d say Tom looked vulnerable and shy.

“Originally? I don’t know, until we were more established in hockey or settled in life. I know now that I’m stupid to think you’ll be there in the end waiting for me, it isn’t fair of me to ask you of that. But I don’t want to wait anymore, I want you now, Tom,” Mike says.

“What if it’s too late?” Tom asks, turning to look Mike in the eyes again. No signs of sarcasm or humor on his face.

“Then _I’ll_ wait for you. And it’s not too late, it can’t be…not with us,” Mike’s voice cracks as he speaks. He hadn’t been expecting Tom to say that, he really didn’t think Tom’s thing with Ben was that serious, more serious than Mike and Tom. His stomach churns as that thought occurs to him, but he refuses to acknowledge it as a possibility.

“If I mean as much to you half as much as you do to me, then we can make it work, Willy. If I get hurt, then the potential heartache will be worth it if it means having you now. If I deny us this, then I might lose you for good. More than I already have,” Mike says. He takes Tom’s other hand in his and scoots closer to him on the couch.

“We can make it work, I just thought you didn’t care enough to think that. As long as I’ve known you, you always go after what you want and make it yours. You were clearly like that as a kid too, according to the stories the guys were telling. I thought you didn’t go after me and try to make us work because you didn’t want me enough,” Tom’s voice comes out so quite that Mike has to strain his head to hear.

“That’s not true, it wasn’t because I didn’t want you, it was because I didn’t think I could have you. I didn’t think I could have you and everything else, all of this,” Mike frees one of his hands from Tom’s and gestures around at their apartment and the city skyline.

“But you can, what’s the difference between what we’ve been doing these past few months and dating? Besides the actual dates?” Tom asks, his jaw tightening.

“Nothing, and that’s exactly why I want this. I thought before the added pressure of keeping a relationship would hurt us. The truth is, you help my hockey. I’m better because of you. You take care of me on and off the ice, you look after me, you push me to be better, hell you even fight for me. Something I’m doing for you right now. Please Tom, please give me a chance.” Mike traces Tom’s jawline with his thumb, bringing his face closer to Tom’s. Both of them breathing harshly, loud and fast.

“I lied too I guess, about when I said all that stuff about Ben. I don’t want easy, Mike, I want you. No matter how much we fight or bicker, I know I can count on you. I know you’ll never leave because things between us are too special. What we have – how we can be ourselves completely around each other no matter what– it’s rare and I don’t want to lose that. Although, sometimes I question where you really lie in all of this, because I feel like I have to work for your attention and love and whatever, but that’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. You don’t have to work for all of that, you have it Tom. I just wouldn’t let you see that you do. I’ve been fucking us up this whole time. Making you feel like I didn’t care, but I care. I care so much,” Mike whispers against Tom’s cheek, kissing it.

“I love you,” Tom mumbles. Mike collapses with relief against him and tucks his head into Tom’s neck. Moments pass before either one says anything again, both starting to breath slower and in unity.

“I love you,” Tom says again but louder. He tilts Mike’s head up to face his own.

“I love you too,” Mike says, leaning up to meet Tom’s lips with his. The kiss is slow and gentle, as if one wrong move could ruin everything. Mike doesn’t like it and decides to sit up and cup Tom’s face, deepening the kiss. Tom wraps one hand around Mike’s back and brings the other one to card through his hair. After a while Tom tugs Mike even closer, practically forcing him on his lap.

“Wicked flow eh?” Tom asks after breaking apart for air, but not allowing any space between him and Mike.

“Nope. I didn’t say that. I was emotional and just saying that to convince you,” Mike says against Tom’s lips, smiles on both of their faces.

“Right… so you lied. Again? Michael, am I going to have to teach you a lesson?” Tom says laughing as Mike groans (in an ‘I can’t believe I love this guy’ way).

“Don’t ruin this moment with some shitty seduction line. Can we just go make out in my room please?” Mike hesitates to ask. He doesn’t want to pressure Tom or make it seem like things are going to be like they were before.

“Sure thing, Latts,” Tom grins and leaps up, dragging Mike along with him by the arm to him room.

“Just making out though. If we’re going to do this, I want to do it right,” Mike says, hoping Tom understood what he was saying. Tom shoves Mike onto his bed and crawls up to align their bodies.

“Duh, what kind of boy do you take me for? I don’t put out till the third date anyway so…” Tom trails off kissing any exposed skin he can see on Mike’s body, hunger filling his eyes.

“Wait, what about Ben?” Mike asks. Tom still had a boyfriend, this wasn’t right.

“I broke up with him after I kicked you out,” Tom stops kissing Mike’s throat and meets his eyes.

“So what was all that shit about how it might be too late?” Mike asks, feigning annoyance.

“I just wanted to see what you would say. Besides, I was clearly only dating him to make you jealous, it wasn’t even serious,” Tom says, leaning in to kiss Mike.

“I knew it! I fucking knew it!” Mike yells, sitting up and causing Tom to kiss his cheek instead of his lips.

“If you knew it, then why did you let it bother you so much?” Tom questions, squinting his eyes at his boyfriend while sitting up with him.

“Because it still sucked, and whatever, it worked okay? When you opened the door today and started making out with him, I wanted to fuck him up so bad,” Mike says as he lays down and pulls Tom back on top of him.

Tom lowers his head down to Mike’s ear. “Yeah? How many minutes would you take in the box if you got to beat the shit out of him?” Tom whispers as he fits a leg between Mike’s thighs. Doing this has become so innate to them, but this time it feels new, it feels different.

“You got a thing for fighting, Willy?” Mike asks, moaning as Tom’s leg brushes over his groin, his dick already hard.

“I thought that was obvious, Latts.”

“Okay, okay you gotta stop that unless you want to break your three date rule,” Mike says as Tom continues to move against his cock and sneaks a hand under his shirt.

“Three dates starting tomorrow?” Tom asks, not waiting for an answer as he tries to tug off Mike’s shirt.

“Yeah, okay, tomorrow. But Willy, I mean this yeah? I love you, I’m all in.” He lets Tom take his shirt off and brings his hands to frame Tom’s face, pulling him closer.

“I love you,” Tom whispers against Mike’s lips “I’m all in too,” he adds with a kiss.

“Now take your pants off and let me blow you,” Tom says pulling away and making grabby hands at Mike’s dick.

“Tom Wilson, always the gentlemen,” Mike laughs as he does exactly what Tom asked.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I’m a Blackhawks fan and honestly know nothing about the Caps, but fell in love with these two after watching the road to the winter classic like any person would (like everyone did). It's set in a time where homophobia is barely a thing and gay hockey bros are cool. Also, I know nothing about these boys and their relationships with each other or the rest of the team, but from what I gather they’re good friends with Nate Schmidt. I’m sure Latta wouldn't go to Brouwer for advice (there’s gotta be other people he’s closer to) but for the sake of mentioning Kaner/Tazer I made it work. And their friends from back home are all made up.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here.](http://liveinfurry.tumblr.com/)


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